Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I Love My Garden
There comes in a point in a person's life where they just need to be alone. To think. To breath. To see. To cry. To release. Running never solves anything. The consequence of loss is too strong to risk. On the other side of the coin there is confronting the issue. Confronting is almost like a dance. There is a art to it. It requires timing and tactic ism. The goal is to problem solve or least identify the root problem and deal with.
Maybe for you this day will yield the answers that you've sought for so long. There are different levels to needs. Level 3. Although the need is strong your still able to function by rote with your daily routine- your image is nothing is amiss with you. On the surface everything appears all right. Level 2. Your in desperate need of answers and although they are fleeting, you're determined to hold on. Only it's not for the sake of yourself-- but for others such as your spouse, kids, and friends.
Level 1. You can no longer “pretend” it is well, not even if you tried. The energy is just not there. Even a blind man could notice the changes in your personality. You aura that once shone so brightly has now lost its luster. You've lost the person you use to be and now your crying inside for help. Can someone one anyone hear you silent cry. Your hurting inside.
Vivid is the memory of level 1., for me. It is a level, I vowed never to tread again. Ahh, somethings can be prevented. I've build up a resistance to the things that can hurt or distract me. I am not perfect as I am still learning. I've learned to resist the subtle pull, of low self worth and hurtful words from others. I am no longer a destroyer of myself and others. I am now a planter. I plant positivity and hope in to the lives of others.
One day I hazarded a look upward and immediately, became transfixed by the soft billowy clouds. It looked as if they were performing just for me. It was spectacular to witness. I smiled at the thought. Today was a good day as Spring had sprung! I made it through another winter season. The season was quite chilling and no matter how much I tried to cover up.
I still felt the numbing chills coursing through me. I thought- if only someone could feel how cold I really was, I wouldn't feel so alone. Experience revealed to me: Sometimes a person own pain can make them unaware of the pain of others. Please be sensitive and watch out for the silent cries of others.
That fateful day I decided it was a good day to plant my seeds.. I was going to grow my own rose garden. White, red, and yellow... I was excited to start my master piece. The day started off lovely. Some where the line I faltered. My ebullience began to fade. I began to look around me. I should have just focused on my own garden.
My neighbors yard looked like it should have grace the cover of Better Homes and Garden Magazine. Their two storied home-- (which was painted a challenging white) stood bold and majestic. It was a boggle to me, how they always managed to keep their home and yard looking flawless. Their floral garden housed an array of exotic flowers and trees.
Mums, roses, and ferns. Japanese maple and dog wood trees. Utterly breath taking. It was a beautiful to see. I wanted that! I looked at my yard and immediately became overwhelmed. I looked at my home deciding that I no longer like its coloring. For the first time I considered painting it white.
I looked at my garden, and it no longer enthused me. I wanted my garden to look like my neighbor's! Suddenly, the clouds blotted out the sun, causing a chill to course through me. A dark cast shadowed, my half planted garden. My heart sped up at the sudden phenomenon. In that darken moment; I had to make a decision. I could remain focus and plant my seed according to my purpose. Or continue to watch others and be pulled from my planting. The lesson learned: what look good on others may not be good for me. I decided, I liked my garden just fine.
My Garden may not be like my neighbors, but it was mine. I labored and nurtured my planted seeds and am expecting new growth. The process would be greater than the results. At my self declaration the sun revealed its illuminating presence, once more. I smiled. I looked around. I almost slipped but was back on track. Yes, today was a good day to plant and grow.