Friday, May 20, 2016

Abstaining Before Marriage

However you put it, sexuality has been a hot topic of debate, able to generate a high degree of controversy. Although abstinence before marriage is seen as outdated, there are many couples which still practice it. We will try to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of this decision, as well as how it is currently perceived across different ages.There a couple of strong points indicating that abstinence before marriage can lead to better results, both on a physical and on an emotional level. The first sexual relation is known to make a powerful impact for an individual; therefore it is better to share it with the person you pledge to spend the rest of your life with. Health reasons are also brought in discussion, limiting the possibility for sexual transmitted disease to cross paths with the two members of the couple. From a certain point of view, sexuality without building a family and having children can be seen as a waste of energies.

Many couples stay away from declaring their sexual abstinence because the custom is largely ridiculed in our modern society. Associated with religion, it bares the marks of a highly conservative way of being, which is not exactly in tune with the high degree of freedom our world is continuously conquering. Few couple take pride from avoiding sexual relationships and you need an important level of self-confidence to take the step.Abstinence is seen through different lenses when it comes to men and women. Abstinence is for a woman a sign of purity, delicacy, while a man which stays away from sexual episodes is usually considered flawed and inexperienced. From this angle we have to admit that abstinence is a reminiscence of a male-dominated society, in which women were kept away from high profile social occasion. Promiscuity amongst women, although perceived as a sign of decadence, is actually a direct result of their recently conquered position in society. Abstinence derives from an epoch in which women were forced to marry the best suited partner which was chosen by their families. Putting the mirror between “then” and “now” gives a good clue on why today’s society is sex-driven in such a complex way.

The disadvantages of abstinence are quite obvious for a couple which is heading towards marriage. First of all, sexuality is a big component in the life of every couple and any mismatch here can propagate all the way up, leading to a break-up. Having multiple sexual partners before marriage can give you a taste of what is out there and what you need to be happy and satisfied. Yes, it is a race towards the better, and it can lead to many wasted years, but an extended sexual experience can significantly improve the chances for a marriage to survive. If the couple already gets a taste of the chemistry of their sexual potential, marriage becomes only a consolidation and a formalization of the relationship.Abstinence before marriage has lost its powerful impact mostly because marriage itself has lost its privileged position. Although weddings are still spectacular celebrations, it’s the institution itself which lost a considerable amount of credibility. It is easier now to end a marriage than to start a business. As the percent of couples which face divorce is increasing year after year, it is obvious that the solemn oath has no longer lasting effects. Many lovers prefer to keep their relationship outside marriage for as long as possible and this is a trend our modern world has learnt to understand and accept.

Although lacking the popularity it once had, abstinence before marriage is a decision which should respect and not ridiculed. Whether it derives from religious traditions or from other concerns, its direct effects can bring a unique flavor to a marriage, making it more special, and possibly more successful. Saving sex for later can let you focus on other aspects which are equally important in a couple’s life. Seeing your partner like a friend and having more time to talk and get to know each other is a direct result of keeping sex away in the period prior to the wedding.

Living vs. Existing

When it comes to analyzing your approach to life, it is quite easy to get carried away by modern tendencies of looking from all possible angles. You have nothing to blame yourself if you decide to take a moment of pause in order to reflect at the true dimension of the complex experience we call life. Verbs of state can be confusing, but there is no doubt that living incorporates the ability to extract joy and satisfaction from every moment, while existence can be used to describe the endless routine of every day.
Our modern times force us to keep the foot on the acceleration pedal all time, in a race to get more money, more superficial experiences, and the validation of others. At the speed that we are travelling through time, the present moment is always allusive, delayed towards an uncertain future. We never really get the chance to acknowledge what we have because there is always at the horizon the prospect of what we might have. Embracing existence means keeping your head straight, away from the speedometer. As the years go by, you are no longer the driver, but a simple passenger, a spectator on a trajectory which was set long ago. On the other hand, living is accessed when you allow yourself to slow down each time things go beyond your control. The relativity of time perception can make even the simplest things a source of infinite joy and happiness.
Despite the ever growing tendencies of calling simple and mediocre those who indulge in simple pleasures, there is no denial that seeking too much complexity, exclusivity, and elaborating each life experience to its maximum potential, can distract your attention from the act of living itself. When that happens, ours senses become numb and require a lot of effort to be stimulated again.
Different people call it in different ways but the general idea is the same. If we keep living existing like this, we are heading towards the big sleep of our civilization faster than the most pessimist scenarios can predict. It is already obvious that we need higher and higher levels of stimulation in order to feel alive. Our movies are crowded by violence, special effects, and emotions exploited to the maximum. Our desires and needs are influenced by aggressive marketing, which ends up creating the internal levers of our own existence. There is no denial that our consume-based society leads toward a lifestyle which is not sustainable not only from an ecological, but also from an emotional point of view. As we fail to feel the void with what is needed to feel alive again, we embrace and accept our personal drama or tragedy as a new source of fuel.
Crossing the line between existence and life is as simple as taking a purposeless walk on a sunny day. You don’t need to have a goal to give back color to life again. Life itself is a goal and acknowledging the wonderful journey we are all taking part is something extraordinary. If life is a bus, what you perceive as destiny is the seat you end up with. It might not be the seat you dreamt of, or you might not have the company you expected from the other passenger, but you do travel the same distance and you are free to choose your own definition of beauty and happiness.

Challenging each and every hour of your life and trying to figure out if you should consider it a part of living or a part of existence might not be exactly the message you should extract from these lines. Making a habit from putting your daily agenda under a magnifying glass is both exhausting and pointless and tends to push the balance in favor of “existing”. There is a special, hard to define flavor attached to “living”, which keeps it away from any attempt of control. Life just happens, like flowing water which fills any indentation in the ground. Nevertheless, questioning from time to time whether you have the auto-pilot set to “existence”, or if you control the steering-wheel of your life, and therefore enjoy “living”, is highly encouraged.