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Friday, May 20, 2016

Abstaining Before Marriage

However you put it, sexuality has been a hot topic of debate, able to generate a high degree of controversy. Although abstinence before marriage is seen as outdated, there are many couples which still practice it. We will try to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of this decision, as well as how it is currently perceived across different ages.There a couple of strong points indicating that abstinence before marriage can lead to better results, both on a physical and on an emotional level. The first sexual relation is known to make a powerful impact for an individual; therefore it is better to share it with the person you pledge to spend the rest of your life with. Health reasons are also brought in discussion, limiting the possibility for sexual transmitted disease to cross paths with the two members of the couple. From a certain point of view, sexuality without building a family and having children can be seen as a waste of energies.

Many couples stay away from declaring their sexual abstinence because the custom is largely ridiculed in our modern society. Associated with religion, it bares the marks of a highly conservative way of being, which is not exactly in tune with the high degree of freedom our world is continuously conquering. Few couple take pride from avoiding sexual relationships and you need an important level of self-confidence to take the step.Abstinence is seen through different lenses when it comes to men and women. Abstinence is for a woman a sign of purity, delicacy, while a man which stays away from sexual episodes is usually considered flawed and inexperienced. From this angle we have to admit that abstinence is a reminiscence of a male-dominated society, in which women were kept away from high profile social occasion. Promiscuity amongst women, although perceived as a sign of decadence, is actually a direct result of their recently conquered position in society. Abstinence derives from an epoch in which women were forced to marry the best suited partner which was chosen by their families. Putting the mirror between “then” and “now” gives a good clue on why today’s society is sex-driven in such a complex way.

The disadvantages of abstinence are quite obvious for a couple which is heading towards marriage. First of all, sexuality is a big component in the life of every couple and any mismatch here can propagate all the way up, leading to a break-up. Having multiple sexual partners before marriage can give you a taste of what is out there and what you need to be happy and satisfied. Yes, it is a race towards the better, and it can lead to many wasted years, but an extended sexual experience can significantly improve the chances for a marriage to survive. If the couple already gets a taste of the chemistry of their sexual potential, marriage becomes only a consolidation and a formalization of the relationship.Abstinence before marriage has lost its powerful impact mostly because marriage itself has lost its privileged position. Although weddings are still spectacular celebrations, it’s the institution itself which lost a considerable amount of credibility. It is easier now to end a marriage than to start a business. As the percent of couples which face divorce is increasing year after year, it is obvious that the solemn oath has no longer lasting effects. Many lovers prefer to keep their relationship outside marriage for as long as possible and this is a trend our modern world has learnt to understand and accept.

Although lacking the popularity it once had, abstinence before marriage is a decision which should respect and not ridiculed. Whether it derives from religious traditions or from other concerns, its direct effects can bring a unique flavor to a marriage, making it more special, and possibly more successful. Saving sex for later can let you focus on other aspects which are equally important in a couple’s life. Seeing your partner like a friend and having more time to talk and get to know each other is a direct result of keeping sex away in the period prior to the wedding.

Living vs. Existing

When it comes to analyzing your approach to life, it is quite easy to get carried away by modern tendencies of looking from all possible angles. You have nothing to blame yourself if you decide to take a moment of pause in order to reflect at the true dimension of the complex experience we call life. Verbs of state can be confusing, but there is no doubt that living incorporates the ability to extract joy and satisfaction from every moment, while existence can be used to describe the endless routine of every day.
Our modern times force us to keep the foot on the acceleration pedal all time, in a race to get more money, more superficial experiences, and the validation of others. At the speed that we are travelling through time, the present moment is always allusive, delayed towards an uncertain future. We never really get the chance to acknowledge what we have because there is always at the horizon the prospect of what we might have. Embracing existence means keeping your head straight, away from the speedometer. As the years go by, you are no longer the driver, but a simple passenger, a spectator on a trajectory which was set long ago. On the other hand, living is accessed when you allow yourself to slow down each time things go beyond your control. The relativity of time perception can make even the simplest things a source of infinite joy and happiness.
Despite the ever growing tendencies of calling simple and mediocre those who indulge in simple pleasures, there is no denial that seeking too much complexity, exclusivity, and elaborating each life experience to its maximum potential, can distract your attention from the act of living itself. When that happens, ours senses become numb and require a lot of effort to be stimulated again.
Different people call it in different ways but the general idea is the same. If we keep living existing like this, we are heading towards the big sleep of our civilization faster than the most pessimist scenarios can predict. It is already obvious that we need higher and higher levels of stimulation in order to feel alive. Our movies are crowded by violence, special effects, and emotions exploited to the maximum. Our desires and needs are influenced by aggressive marketing, which ends up creating the internal levers of our own existence. There is no denial that our consume-based society leads toward a lifestyle which is not sustainable not only from an ecological, but also from an emotional point of view. As we fail to feel the void with what is needed to feel alive again, we embrace and accept our personal drama or tragedy as a new source of fuel.
Crossing the line between existence and life is as simple as taking a purposeless walk on a sunny day. You don’t need to have a goal to give back color to life again. Life itself is a goal and acknowledging the wonderful journey we are all taking part is something extraordinary. If life is a bus, what you perceive as destiny is the seat you end up with. It might not be the seat you dreamt of, or you might not have the company you expected from the other passenger, but you do travel the same distance and you are free to choose your own definition of beauty and happiness.

Challenging each and every hour of your life and trying to figure out if you should consider it a part of living or a part of existence might not be exactly the message you should extract from these lines. Making a habit from putting your daily agenda under a magnifying glass is both exhausting and pointless and tends to push the balance in favor of “existing”. There is a special, hard to define flavor attached to “living”, which keeps it away from any attempt of control. Life just happens, like flowing water which fills any indentation in the ground. Nevertheless, questioning from time to time whether you have the auto-pilot set to “existence”, or if you control the steering-wheel of your life, and therefore enjoy “living”, is highly encouraged.


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

"If Loving You Is Wrong" Actor Joel Rush. "Martin" actor and director Tommy Ford and Author Michelle Stimpson

The Certain Ones Talk Show 
Thursday, February 25th, 2016
Featured Guests! 

From the creative mind of Actor, Producer and Playwright Tyler Perry. Join  The Certain Ones Talk Show Panel is "If Loving You Is Wrong." Actor Joel Rush.

"Martin."  actor and director Tommy Ford visits The Certain Ones Talk Show to share his latest projects and upcoming events! 

Inspirational educator and author Michelle Stimpson drops in to discuss her latest novel! 

"Stuck on You." by Michelle Stimpson

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Certain Ones hosts Actors Ameer Baraka, Darrin Dewitt Henson& NAACP Awarding Winning author Victoria Christopher Murray! 2.18.16|6:00pm EST

HBO's Hit Series "Treme" actor Ameer Baraka visits The Certain Ones Show for the first time to discuss his new book release "Like Father, Like Son." In which Ameer chronicles his transformation from a wayward, illiterate juvenile delinquent wreaking havoc in New Orleans most crime-infested ghettos and housing projects, to a celebrated author, motivational speaker, and one of New Orleans’ most celebrated and sought-after citizens. Thursday, February 18th|6:00pm EST. Call-in (917) 932-1607.

NAACP Awarding Winning author Victoria Christopher Murray, returns to The Certain Ones Talk Show! 

Stomp The Yard and  Soul Food, The Series actor Darrin Dewitt Henson, returns to share his upcoming roles and projects. 

Check out February Edition of The Certain Ones Magazine!

Thursday, August 6, 2015


The Certain Ones Talk Show with YOUR host Vanessa Richardson! Thursday, August 6th, 2015|6:00pm EST. Free To Be Me! Evangelist, Mary A. Newman "I'm Free to Be Me?, Author LaTarsha Holden. Actor/Comedian. Michael Colyar. Call-in (917) 932-1607 or join us live in our chat room at


Actor/Comedian Michael Colyar 

A native of Chicago, Michael Colyar made his mark as "The King of Venice Beach." For nine years, he performed five shows a day, leaving a positive imprint on the crowd with his thought-provoking humor. As his hard work begun paying off and with his comedic star on the rise, he was honored by the city of Venice by placing his shoe and hand prints as well as his money grabber in cement of the new Venice Boardwalk.

Colyar gained national attention after capturing the Grand Prize Comedy championship and $100,000 on the popular television show "Star Search." He donated half of his winnings to homeless charities in the Los Angeles area. And continues to give back to this day.

As "The Original Host" of "BET Live From LA", his point blank delivery and razor-sharp insight deeply connected to its over 55 million viewers coast to coast.

Over the past 15 years, he has built his television & film career working with such luminaries as John Singleton, Eddie Murphy, Bernie Mac & Oprah Winfrey.

In 2011, he was the voice of Buford the frog in Disney's 1st Black animated film "The Princess and the Frog." He is also a voice on the "Cleveland Show."

  • The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those that are bruised. Luke 4:18
  • Breaking the chains of bondage through deliverance! Equipping and Empowering the People of God through love, faith and The Word of God!!!

Author LaTarsha Holden 

Native of Atlanta, Ga. seeks to stir-up,inspire,motivate and encourage
others to keep going in-spite of difficult situations.Former homeless woman and mother of six 
children goes from a GED to a MBA. She overcame many obstacles:high-school drop out,
 divorce, homelessness,rejection,depression and health issues; she is now a pastor,speaker,
community advocate and author.astor, community advocate, speaker, activist.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Recording Artist, Keith Williams & Apostle John Harris

Join host Vanessa Richardson and her special guest Gospel Recording Artist, Keith Washington. Keith will be discussing his new CD, "Thirsty for The Rain."  and Apostle John Harris talks prophetic movements of God! 
Let's talk: Still Standing!
Tune in to “The Certain Ones Blog Talk Radio Show” live every Thursday 6:00 p.m. EST. Guest Call-in (917) 932-1607.
The Certain Ones! Aspiring to Inspire!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Bishop George Bloomer visits The Certain Ones Radio Show!

My show, "Bishop George Bloomer, Arnita DeShields, AND Nikeema T. Lee" on "the certain ones" is airing 07/23/2015 on BlogTalkRadio. See the details and set a reminder at

Tune in to “The Certain Ones Blog Talk Radio Show” live every Thursday 6:00 p.m. EST. Want to participate in our live audience? Call-in (917) 932-1607 or log on at‪#‎inspirationalmagazines‬ ‪#‎thecertainones‬ ‪#‎motivation‬